Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame


I was 19 when I met Roy. He was 24. I walked into a crowded, loud Chewy's restaurant in Austin, Texas, and spotted him standing near the door with a mutual friend. I noticed him right away. Noticed him the way a woman notices a man she will think about for a while. Noticed him in a way that drew my eyes toward him even when he wasn't speaking.

I was smitten.

He had longish hair and dark-green eyes with smile lines (already?) at their corners. He wore a worn-out leather bomber jacket and a couple of small hoop earrings. We were introduced, of course, but I don't remember that part. I remember how he stood there, handsome and somehow serious and pleased at the same time.

There were several people in our party, many strangers brought together by mutual friends. We got to know one another in short time across our long table. I learned Roy's mind was sharp and his laugh quick. I learned he spent four years in the Presidential Honor Guard. I learned he was studying archeology.

During the give and flow of talk, the conversation moved away from us, and I used the diversion, under hooded eyes, to peer across the table and study his face. What I saw was him looking at me. I'll never forget the almost literal shock of that moment.

That was when I learned the best, the most wonderful thing of all: He was smitten too.

After that evening a courtship of letters began. We attended different universities, so he wooed me, from a distance, with his words. He couldn't have known then how much I loved language, how I adored seeing the depth of a mind pour itself onto a page. So when his letters arrived, full of self-disclosure and humor and romantic pursuit, I felt joy.

We were engaged a year later. Nine months after that, we married and finished college, together finally, at the same university.

A friend once told me he thought it was a little sad, really, the idea of someone being with only one other person -- only having loved that person, only having been intimate with that person, only partnering with that person.

And if someone's that person isn't the right person, well it can be sad.

At the beginning of our courtship, I couldn't have imagined how good life with this man would be. At the beginning of our marriage, I couldn't have imagined how the roots of a love fertilized by friendship and devotion and passion could seize me in such a way that I can't imagine, even for a second, turning my back on it. I've learned, when marriage is right, it does, it truly does get better.

When I met him, at 24, I didn't foresee celebrating his 40th birthday -- today -- with him.




I could fill pages with the things my husband does that make me love him more -- playing with the children, seeking me out for a kiss and a hug in the middle of a busy day, cleaning the kitchen while I bathe the children, endless back rubs, his love of books and learning, his compassionate heart, his artistic skill.

But what it all comes down to is his realization that love, that love (raya, ahava, dode) is not a feeling one simply enjoys as long as it lasts. Love is a decision, a constant series of decisions one must make. He decides to forgive me when I'm churlish. He decides to encourage me. He decides to help me, even when he's tired. He decides to spend time with me and talk with me and seek me out. He decides, every day, to love me.

How then could I not love him back?

-30-

18 comments:

boomama said...

I say all the time that love is a choice. And it IS so wonderful when someone chooses to love you in return.

Happy birthday to your hubby - y'all are a mighty blessed couple indeed.

And I love that you used the word "churlish" almost as much as I loved your usage of "inky." :-)

Anonymous said...

awesome, awesome, wonderful post.

Happy birthday to your husband. :)

Barb said...

What a beautiful tribute to your husband. I always, always enjoy reading you. Such a love story. Sigh.....

Happy Birthday, Roy.

Anonymous said...

How sweet!!!
Happy birthday to your hubby, and thanks for sharing a bit of your love story.

Sarah said...

There's something sweet about realizing, years after college has ended, that you started out as almost children together and have grown into adults together--it's wonderful, isn't it?

And is that a NUN behind you in the top picture? If so, it makes the picture even better! I love it! :)

Brenda said...

Beautiful post, wonderful love story! Happy birthday to your husband.

Melissa said...

Wonderful, sweet story! I'm always inspired to hear other's love stories. Romance based on friendship & the Lord...the ONLY way to make it!

Tammy said...

Ok...I'm blown away...and in tears...and I don't even really know you.

What a wonderful love story- and a wonderful tribute to your husband.

You're right...love is not just a great feeling, but a choice.

By the way, both pictures of you two are stunning.
A Happy 40th birthday to your beloved.
Blessings,
~Tammy

Addie said...

Beautiful post. True love is a choice!

Happy belated birthday Roy!

(And on an entirely unrelated note, what does -30- mean? I've been wondering for awhile, but I'm clueless.)

Girl Raised in the South said...

After 25 years of marriage, and seeing him go from 30 with hair that was blue/black like Superman to frosty grey and 55, I'm struck by how much more I love him. The great thing about starting out young is you think that's the best it will be, then you spend a lifetime together to realize it only gets better, once you decide it's going to be forever; there's no escape clause. Love to read your writing, every single time.

Sister said...

Toni,
LUV your story, your writing...and your -30-. :)

Addie said...

Wikipedia has answered my question. :-) BTW, that is a GREAT picture of the two of you. Quite perfect. Beautiful post. Happy Birthday.

the end

Leslie said...

It is a great romance. I love being around you both.

Theresa said...

What a beautiful post...Happy belated Bday Roy! Cute pics too - what a pair!

Robin said...

Happy Birthday to your Honey! Here's to 40 more!

Shawna said...

Happy Birthday to your husband. That is a beautiful tribute to him.

Michelle said...

Your post is so timely in my life, as I have sat down many times trying to write what my DH means to me the past few days...as his 40th approaches this Friday (he was only 19 when our paths converged). Lovely tribute.

Anonymous said...

Oh beautiful! You two look like a wonderful, blessed, happy couple! Happy birthday to your hubby!